It’s really hard to say goodbye to people in general. Forget trying to seemingly erase someone that you have spent the better half of 4 years with because that’s just not possible. I wonder how people do it. I mean I’ve done it before but my way of dealing with things ended me up in this very same position that I am now. Alone and on my own and heart broken like no tomorrow. With no answers and no rhyme or reason to why I’m stuck in this predicament and I was left. How in the hell can this be possible to happen….againnnnn and againnnnnnn?????? Well, at this point, it’s all my fault for letting this crap continue.

The worst part of it all is the unknown. That is the scariest part. Asking yourself question after question and getting no answers. There are lots of people I know I’m better off without. I just don’t know how sane I would be if I left them all out of my life. Sometimes I feel like I’m fucking up so much just to finally have a better life. Sometimes I feel like I’m fucking up so much because I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing because I’m so damn lost that I can’t find my way back and the only way I know how to come back is to sit in the past and not let go of the people who have fucked me over constantly. None of it makes sense. I want to be loved. that isn’t a hard concept. Well, at least to me it isn’t.

Letting go is the hardest part for me. The song I have playing in the background’s lyrics are “love is patient, love is kind” and immediately my mind goes to when my ex used to say that adorbs little Bible thing to me “Love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast”….yada yada yada….I constantly keep the memories of all my ex’s in the back of my head like they are all gonna come running back to me or something after some grand epiphany or something. Yes, I realize I’m quite delusional for someone my age lol

The thing is, how do you know who is worth keeping around and who isn’t if you haven’t given them a chance? It’s virtually impossible to do so. Which basically means we are all glutton for punishment in one way or another since we have to go through the agony of meeting people and figuring out their personalities and sometimes that can take a lot longer than we expect. I mean shit, my ex and my relationship when we first got together was amazeballs. And I don’t just mean the first two weeks lol I mean the first like 6-8 months of our relationship was utter bliss and fun and she was my best friend. Who the hell would have known she was gonna drop me like it’s hot for some loser? Speaking of dropping me like it’s hot for some loser – EVERY SINGLE ONE of my ex’s has done so. EVERY SINGLE ONE of my ex’s has left me for some 3rd rate version of me. Looks and personality wise their girlfriend’s and wives don’t even compare to my amazing. I just don’t get it. Maybe I’m just too much for one person to handle lol Maybe I’ll join the polygamist Sister Wives haha JUST KIDDING MOM!!! ( I know you’re reading this! lol ❤ )

OR…..Maybe they just weren’t the right people for me to be with and that the 3rd rate versions of me that they decided to date and/or marry were the 1st rate versions that they needed because they were never on my level to begin with. HMMM. I mean, I’m not saying I’m the best thing since sliced bread but definitely the best thing since sneakers! haha I don’t even like to wear sneakers lol

Anyway, it’s time to go to bed. I’ve done enough closet cleaning and clearing my chi and my shakras are aligned and my space is Fung Shued lol now its time to relax and forget about all the people not worth keeping around and being thankful for those that are still in my life that deserve to be there 🙂

You’re Welcome! 🙂 x0, AI